Little By Little

Today it starts. The big move. The girls meet with the landlady today and pick up their keys. It will be official.

JC has always been my organized one. Making lists of her homework assignments, vacation packing lists, store lists, you name it. She lists it. This may be related to her mild OCD but she won’t admit it. She started packing last week for the move. Since then, I have stayed out of her room.

It depresses me to see her stuff in bins. Socks neatly stacked, t-shirts folded just so. What’s going to happen when my husband takes her bed apart and I have to help haul it to the truck?

I don’t want to cry, but I will. I get teary eyed just thinking about it now.

So what will I do?

I will take her shopping.

I will buy them all the items that girls tend to think just appear at their houses. Toilet paper, paper towels, cleaning supplies and air fresheners. All the stuff they will need to get the boy stink out of their apartment. They don’t realize how hard that stink will be to get out! Three boys have lived there for the last 9 months. Three COLLEGE boys. Boys smell.

I was starting to feel better about it all until she started talking about how she doesn’t know what she wants to do in the future. Now my mommy-sense is kicking in and I am nervous. She is starting to question her career path, aiming lower than her brain is capable of. And I don’t like it.

I tell her that she can do what she wants because it is her life. But I am dying a little inside.

I am dying a little because she says she is tired of school. After her first year. What I think she is saying is that she is tired of having to save to pay for school. She likes nice things and likes spending money. Paying for school is not fun, it has no immediate gratification. And this is what is changing her mind.

When she says she can always go back to school later, I cringe. Many people say that and it never happens. I said that. And I did go back to school. Then I quit. She doesn’t know that life has a way of getting in the way of the best laid plans. There are always expenses. House payments, car payments…CHILDREN. They all take money. And they all take time. Time that becomes less and less available the older you get.

But she won’t listen. She has someone whispering in her ear.

“Don’t listen to them. Do what makes you happy. They don’t know what’s best for you.”

No, we may not know all what is best for you. We are not perfect.

But in the end, we just want you to know that people in life come and go; we will always be your rock. Planted in the same place so you can always find us.

So spread your wings. Find your way. But if you get lost along the way, please remember.

Your nest will always be warm and waiting. Right where it always has been.

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10 thoughts on “Little By Little

  1. Aww, I felt for you and for my future self while reading this post. My girls are 13, 5 and 3 and I do not want to think about the day they move out to go to school. *Hugs* to you.

    • Thanks Bruna! I felt like it was a reprieve when she couldn’t move in this week. Big sigh of relief. On the bright side, she can’t cook much yet so she will be home for dinner.. I hope!

  2. This gave me a lump in my throat. I have two daughters, 7 and 4, and I have already started to think about this kind of stuff.

    When they decide to move out, and the men that are going to effect their lives.

    I am trying to instill a sense of Independence, but I know my oldest isn’t going to be.

    I know I will have to watch out for her.

    • That’s the hardest part. The best we can do is just that…the best. Then hope for the best.
      I keep thinking that it will be so much easier with my son. It probably will. He will never move out!

  3. Oh I can so identify with this. *sigh*

    I watch (sometimes horrified) at some of the decisions made by my eldest. He moved out in October of last year, only to move back in within a couple of months. He & I have a pretty decent relationship, and for that I am grateful. Knowing how much he hates school, knowing how much he needs the education…and watching him waste time on a dead-end job and having what amounts to months’ worth of social playtime every weekend.

    And it’s *TOUGH* because I want him to have a social life, I want him to have fun…I want him to figure out that life is not all playtime, though. That life is a balancing act, and sometimes it is a real bitch. He looks at me as an example (supposedly) because I was one of those who went back to school in my late 20s…and have kept going (with any luck, I’ll be done with the terminal degree within the next 6 months or so). I don’t know how to get it through his head that the way I did it was and is insane. It’s exhausting – for all those reasons you mention. Particularly when the kids come.

    They just DON’T KNOW. But you know what SBB? They learn. We did. They will, too. And there is something vitally important about being happy. I’ve taught both of my older kids that – that success isn’t measured in dollars, but in happiness. Thing is, and this is the critical reminder…money may not bring happiness, but it’s necessary to pay the bills (especially for some of us who have kind of expensive tastes LOL).

    Best wishes to you & yours. 🙂

    • Thanks for the encouragement. They do learn. We just want them to learn from us instead. But just like we did, we didn’t listen to our parents either.

      My biggest concern for her is that she is attached to a guy who has big dreams, no brains and no future. I want her to never have to rely on a man for her livelihood. This is the only place our relationship sags. Under the weight of a loser. Otherwise, we are great.

      Best of luck for you and your oldest. And like you said. They will learn. Not the way we always think is best. And congrats on the impending degree!

      • Many thanks! My son’s girlfriend is a nice kid – she’s pretty, funny, and smart – and she comes from a nice family. They have some strange ideas between the two of them, like moving in together, and him working to pursue a career in the music industry (which I think is fine, but I keep encouraging a back-up plan). Meh, I love all of my kids, and want what’s best for them (like all of us who are *good* parents)…and knowing that I don’t have control over it. (This said by a person who is something of a control-freak – but only over my little microcosm…lol.) Watching him make what I think are less than ideal decisions is really tough, and keeping my tongue firmly in check is even tougher sometimes. I wouldn’t trade parenthood for the whole world, but there are days I understand why some species eat their young. 😉

      • Omg! You made me laugh with the eating their young. I can understand that too. It has to help knowing that his GF is nice and comes from a good home.

        Does your tongue bleed keeping it in check? 🙂 Mine does everyday. I just wish hubby would learn. He just can’t keep his mouth shut sometimes!

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