Pocketful of Sunshine or If You Find My Head, Let me know


I am a pocket person.

I put things in my pockets. Jean pockets, jacket pockets, backpack pockets…any kind of pocket. Then I forget about it.

I get change and instead of putting it into my purse, I put it into my pocket. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because of the rush I get when I reach into my coat pocket in November and find a $20 bill from last spring. In my mind, I am thinking…half a pair of shoes! So when I find money at the bottom of the washer or dryer, you can assume it’s mine.

I also have a habit of misplacing other things. It’s the other things that drive me batty. A couple of years ago we went to Maui and I bought a nice little underwater camera so I could take pictures when we were snorkeling. It’s a cute little red Olympus with a Hawaiian themed wrist strap. Hey, you gotta be fashionable, right?

So anyway, I remember having it last fall when we were on a hiking trip but couldn’t for the life of me find it. I went through everything! Drawers, pockets, backpacks, you name it. So it’s been missing for a long time. I didn’t care much because I have my everyday, fancy camera that I use for nearly everything else. So after the first ripping apart of the house, I kinda let it slide.

The other day I was vacuuming and I had an epiphany. Yes, it was a true epiphany. I tend to not think when I am vacuuming and just let my mind wander. Mostly it’s because I hate cleaning and it’s better to be mindless when having to do that.

“Go look in your old camera case.”

I swear someone spoke to me in that instance. So I shut off the vacuum and went in search of my camera case…One I hadn’t used in over a year…FOUND IT. Yes, I do hear voices. Thankfully they are usually my own so they won’t come after me with the white coats and straight jackets.

Yup. You guessed it. It was in the camera case. I did a happy dance that I am so glad nobody else was around to witness. Be thankful I don’t VLOG! No really, this is one white girl who cannot dance. No rhythm whatsoever.

Pockets. They are my best friend and nemesis.

We have a new policy at work where we have to be hands free in the car. Which is a good policy to have even if your company doesn’t have one. Go visit my blogger friend The Bearded Iris and read about her near miss experience. Really..go read it. Make the pledge.

I know, I know…just get on with it. So….

I have tried so many wired headsets, wireless, bluetooth, you name it. I have tried them and have hated every single one. I have a cool pink Jawbone one that is so cute but it sucks ass! It falls out of my ear, noise reduction sucks…I hate it. So when I was forced to go out and buy a new one I did so reluctantly.

I asked questions, read all the reviews and hoped I would finally be happy with one. But that’s not what this is about…

I bought one…I had it for about a week. I went to the grocery store at the end of the day with it attached to my ear…since I am not one of those people who like to say “Hey, look at me! I am important, I have a bluetooth headset attached to my head to make it look like I am smarter, safer and douchier than you!”

I took it off.

Did I put it into my purse? No. Did I put it into my jeans pocket? No. It must have been dropped.

When I next needed it, I went to look for it…I looked in my purse, my jeans, my jacket. I called the grocery stores that I went to that night..NOTHING. I start to panic because even though work paid for half of it, it was still $90 that was gone…and I would have to pay for the next. That could buy me shoes for crying out loud! I went through all my jackets…The damn thing just freaking disappeared. Or maybe it jumped to its death from listening to me sing along with the radio one too many times. Whatever. It was GONE!

Fast forward…

After 3 weeks of not having it, I was all set to buy another one Saturday when my shopping trip was cut short by a call from MJ…he had faceplanted at the terrain park while snowboarding…concussion. (He’s okay, btw). It will have to wait until after I pick him up and make sure he’s okay and then beat him myself for not having his helmet on.

Sunday we were heading to the in-laws to visit…I grab a sweatshirt to wear since they keep their house colder than Antarctica in the winter. Zip it up and go to adjust the pockets. Any guesses on what I found? Apparently, besides my poor judgement of putting it in a pocket, my memory was so piss poor that I didn’t even remember what I was wearing the day it went missing.

Yeah. That. So, I can honestly say that my son’s concussion saved me $90. A bright spot in all that. Another uncoordinated happy dance.

Anyone else think that I just saved my family $200 between the camera and headset,  and that I should go out shoe shopping? I agree. Who wants to go?

~Sassy

p.s If you were wondering about the bluetooth that finally won me over…it is the Plantronics Voyager Pro HD. This is unsolicited and just my experience with it. It looks big but I can wear it all day without my ear getting sore.

Don’t Make Me Cry


I don’t cry.

Okay, I lied.

What I mean is: I don’t cry at work. I just don’t. It shows weakness and I am tough. I will not show people my weakness.

Well, maybe on Twitter.  Twitter people accept you, don’t care if you rant and give you support when you need it or give a smack upside the head as appropriate. And they are willing to order you pitchers of margaritas…or raise a glass in support. God, I love my Tweeps!

Do you ever have those weeks when it just overwhelms you and you try to get work done but the sheer size of the mountain is so big that you just can’t do anything?

That was this week.

And Friday I nearly cried.

I was on the phone with someone discussing work shit and I was getting so frustrated that I choked up and couldn’t talk. Worst, he is one of my superiors. Not really my boss, but still in that upper echelon of bossdom.

“Sassy, are you there? Did I drop you? Are you reading emails again and not paying attention?”

“No. I’m here. Just sitting here.” Trying not to let the tears drop out of my eyes, my throat closing off  sobs; so glad that I am not in the office.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“Nothing. Go on. Finish what you need to say.” I know he can hear it in my voice. I just pray he doesn’t ask me again.

He continues. “Blah, blah, blah, blah…smile sometime today.”

Fuck you…Yeah okay.”

And even though the tears pooled and threaten, I did not let them fall. They slowly drained away only to leave me without the satisfaction only a good cry can give you. My eyes feel like they have cried and my body feels exhausted just from the effort to not LET THEM SEE ME CRY. Or in this case…hear me cry.

I am at a crossroads in my job.

I have two titles and two job descriptions that are at odds. It hasn’t been made official to the rest of the staff and I am encouraged to keep on foot steady on each end of the teeter-totter.

It’s getting harder to balance.

I am suffering from TMSOMFP syndrome (see tags)…and I just know that I am going to move my foot and go crashing down. Either I will fall hard on my ass to the point of breaking an ass bone or get flipped on the other end and go sailing through the air only to land on my face, breaking my expensive orthodontia perfected teeth in the process.

So I am going to smash that plate and scatter the shit until it gathers dust and doesn’t smell anymore.

I will delegate more.

I will go on radio silent and not feel the need to be there at all times, for everyone.

Because dammit! I need to!

~Sassy

Part 4~Burning Yarn and Greyhound Buses


This is part 4 and no, I am not done yet.

There most likely will be one more before I can wrap it up with the justice she deserves. Just a warning.

Skyscrapers, Capitols and Woolworth‘s, Oh My

I have said how strong my Grandma was but I think the word that really describes her is resilient. Resilient because no matter what she was feeling, or what she had faced, she kept going. This day would be no different.

Despite her treatment the day before, she had planned to explore the city before we had to be back to the bus station that night.

Our first stop was Woolworth’s.

Woolworth’s. Say it 5 times fast, it messes with your tongue.

I grew up in a town that had a Woolworth’s, it was one of the original five and dime stores. It was like the Wal-Mart of its time. They had EVERYTHING. A soda fountain, clothing, hardware (real hardware, for real men), toys, groceries…everything. It was so much better than Wal-Mart is today. It was where I bought my first green nail polish and fake finger nails for Halloween one year. I bought an awesome black velour track suit in 6th grade…My first ten-speed bike.

It could be the nostalgia of it all. Whatever it was, it was a great place and I loved it as a kid.

Minneapolis had the ultimate Woolworth’s of all. It had two floors and was in the downtown area. If I recall correctly, in the IDS building. The IDS building was the tallest building in Minnesota at the time so it was a big deal for me to finally get to see it. We were going to stop at Woolworth’s and go to the top of the observation deck.

I don’t remember much about the observation deck but I do remember buying a pair of tenners at Woolworth’s! Yeah, the shoewhore was alive and well at age 12! They looked exactly like this but were in powder blue. I was seriously stylin’. I know you are jealous! We called tennis shoes, tenners. Not sneakers, not tennis shoes and certainly not athletic shoes. Tenners.

You just knew shoes had to be in there too right?

We took the bus everywhere that day. We went to the state capitol building and I got to see the golden horses in the front of the rotunda.

We walked downtown St. Paul looking for a jewelry shop she remembered that sold turquoise jewelry. We found it but it had been closed down. She was saddened at this. She loved turquoise jewelry and would only buy if it was authentic Indian made. This was the only store outside of Arizona she had found it at. She new in her heart that she most likely would not be taking another snow bird trip.

I remember only bits and pieces of that day. But I do know this. I know that we had an amazing day together.

What I don’t remember is her ever saying that she wasn’t feeling well or asking to rest.

She just kept on going.

My Grandma was resilient.

~Sassy

p.s. Tomorrow will be my closing piece on this story. I hope will come back!