I hear refrains of Aldo Nova in my head. I keep hearing:
So long, well, it’s sad to say
But you’re only fooling yourself
So long, I’m glad you’re happy that way
But you’re only fooling yourself…..
I am a stats junkie.
I told myself that I would not be a slave to stats when I started this blog. I knew it would take a while to get it out there and get readers. And I was okay with that. I was secure in myself. Besides, the blog was just a whim.
I was fooling my self.
Day two of my blog I had 27 views! And none of them were friends. I was on a high since my OTHER blog doesn’t perform that high and my friends knew about it. Seriously? I need better friends. They can’t even support me. Sheesh, it isn’t like I asked them to donate a kidney or something. Just read a fucking blog post every day. Oh…and share it with your friends because…I am fucking funny! I mean come on people…get with the program. Do they have a Facebook Mass Defriend app? No? They should. I would SOOO use it now.
Day three? 8 views. Failure. Where were my new Twitter tweeps? Did I offend them? Did I piss someone off? Shit. Depression sets in and I get all mopey.
And I can’t even talk to anyone about it. Nobody knows about my blog other than you. Don’t get me wrong. I love you guys! I love your comments (hint, hint), love your tweets and yes, I love your
stats visits . 🙂 But living two lives is hard damn it!
Day 18…holy shit! 78 views! Yes, I did the naked happy dance around my office that day. Too bad I don’t VLOG! Who knew I would get that many views blogging about my plastic surgery wish list! So thank you all!!!! MWAH! But be thankful you couldn’t see it. I am a white girl who can’t dance and needs plastic surgery. Be very thankful. No really.
So now I check stats every couple of hours. It’s like an obsession. It’s worse than my shoe whoring!
Numbers are down! Better send a Tweet out! Damn, only one click in an hour? Fuck…send another shameless
begging plea Tweet AGAIN. Sorry guys! No, not really but I thought you would believe it. Did it work? Please say it did. Please, please. Oh god, there I go again.
I am pathetic.
But…guess what? I am not the only one. And it makes me feel good that there are others out there who are stats whores like me. We can be pathetic together. We tweeted about our patheticness last night. So thank you to people who are just like me.
Oh and my Facebook Page? That’s a whole ‘nother level of patheticness. Really? All I need is 25 likes then I can get my own URL. Is that too much to ask? I didn’t think so. So for now I get this really lame-ass long address that is totally embarrassing. Totally.
So people…I want to be like Sally Field. Really I do. Well, except for the osteoporosis thing. I want to be able to say….
“You like me, you really, really like me!”
So go here…
http://www.facebook.com/pages/SassyBlondeBitch/214743541877118 and push the like button. You can block me after. I just want your like.
And here…you don’t want to miss my tweets do you?
Don’t make me do it…
You really are going to make me do it?
Oh all right….
Please, pretty please? With chocolate frosting on it?
I am so ashamed.
*crawling under my desk to cry and hide from the sassy-hating people out there*
See. told you. pathetic. I would have capitalized it but I am too sad to yell and I didn’t want you to get mad at me.
Yes, I fooled myself when I said it didn’t matter.
Oh ITunes!…Cue up Aldo for me…Fantasy this time…
Life is just a fantasy, can you live this fantasy life…oh no, oh no…life is just…..
Go here…because stats are important to her too…I love her so you should too. Why? Because she is funnier that I am, trust me. And yes…I DO speak whinese. This whole post was whinese.