Random conversations with my kids.
JC came home today to
visit me do some lab experiments for her summer class. Why did she drive all the way out here for that? Because she just knew that I would have the ingredients she needed.
So she is in the kitchen getting stuff out. Bottles, water, yeast and balloons. Sounds like the start of bad sex joke…
She says “Do you have any more yeast, because I need 2 more tablespoons.”
“Negative, they have medications for that problem now.” I tell her.
“Mom, if you put baking yeast in your vaj, will you get a yeast infection?”
Huh…what? Um, no comment.
A few years back, we were in Walgreens to get JC female hygiene products. MJ was with us and he always thought we were telling secrets if I told him to go look at the toy aisle. So he was in the tampon aisle with us.
JC grabs a box of tampons.
MJ pipes up, “What are those?”
“They are for bloody noses.” JC tells him. I silently applaud her for her quick thinking. She has used these for that purpose during soccer games. Gross huh?
Then I think a little. Do I want my son thinking those are really for bloody noses? Yes, 10 year-old son would be the one walking around with junior regular tampons shoved in his nostrils. The 13 year old in me is saying “go with it..just think of the video it would make, it would be funny maybe $10,000 funny!!!”
I look at JC and she looks at me. She knows we are going to have the discussion in the car. Her eyes start rolling. We check out and go to the car.
“Just don’t mom. Just don’t say it.”
“MJ, those aren’t for bloody noses. Those are for bloody vaginas. You know about, or at least heard of periods, right?”
“Um, yeah mom. Sheesh. I live with you two. That’s when we can’t even breathe around you, right? And you get cranky?”
“Uh, yeah. Well, when that happens girls bleed from their vaginas and they use those so they don’t make a mess.”
Silence and then….”OHHHHHH GROOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSS! Did you have to tell me that?”
“No, but I didn’t want you to think you could use them for bloody noses.”
“Ok. But question. Where do they go? And how do they get there?”
JC is tired of this conversation. She grabs the insert and says, “Read this.”
Yeah, I know, there can be TMI but I want him to be informed.
So, a week ago, I took MJ and his two best friends, that are girls, (what a stud) for a walk and Dairy Queen. Along the way Anna uses Hope’s phone to let her mom know that I am the reason she is going to be late. Sure, blame it on me. I asked her what happened to her phone.
MJ, bless his honest, unfiltered mouth tells me.
“She dropped it into the toilet. She had just peed and it had period in it.”
Does this kid have no shame???? I thought Anna was going to be mortified and beat the living shit out of him. Because she can. And I would have let her.
‘Yeah, that’s what happened. My mom was pissed and I don’t get a new phone.”
Since when did boys and girls talk about things like peeing and periods? Either I did something way right with him or I have to worry about having grandchildren from him.