Oh Happy Day? Screw It, Time for a Rant


Today is a rant kind of day. Then again, when is it NEVER a rant kind of day?

I guess it is because I have had it with stupid people, their stupid ass comments and downright rudeness. Reach out and touch someone? Hell, I want to reach out and slap someone. So come along and listen to my rant. I hope it makes you smile.

Features:

If you buy a car and you don’t like one or more of the features of the car, like where the 12 volt outlet is for charging your phone (heavens, don’t call it a cigarette lighter any more!!) do you call up Subaru and ask them why they put it there? Or even better? Tell them “Well, on my Nissan, it was to the right and up 5 inches. You need to change it to be more like my old Nissan.”

What. The. Fuck. Seriously.

If you wanted a fucking Nissan, you should have bought a fucking Nissan.

If you didn’t like where XX button is in our software, then why didn’t you buy the other one? Oh that’s right! Our software has a million and one other things that are better than theirs!

When something goes wrong:

If you have to call customer support, be nice to the people on the phone trying to help you. Yes, we realize that you think we are the stupid ones asking you stupid questions like:

“What were you doing when it “broke”?

Why do we ask stupid questions like that? Hmmmm….let me think. Eyes looking up, finger on my chin because doing that makes me think better. Maybe it’s because you were just a rude shit and we want to make you feel fucking dumb.  I have a course for my employees called “How to Treat Condescending Assholes When They Need Your Help”. Not really, but I should.

Step number one? Make sure you have them walk you through EVERY fucking step they took before they broke it.

Step number two? Point out that the 15th action they did, was totally fucking wrong and THEY broke it!

Of course, you have to do it in a way that they don’t realize that you are saying in your head “Fucking dipshit”. I do this by saying:

“Oh, I see where it went wrong. When you clicked on Y instead of X, it was the wrong order and Z wouldn’t work that way. It can sometimes get really confusing. There are so many things in this software.”

Translation:

“You fucking idiot. Didn’t you learn anything that I taught you last week? No, you cannot print the report out if it doesn’t exist yet!”

Oh…another thing? If we help you solve your problem…would it hurt you to say thank you? Don’t just hang up on us while we are still talking. WE REMEMBER THAT and tell all of our coworkers. Just saying. On busy days, you may just be the LAST person we call back.

Whew…that makes me feel so much better. You readers are awesome for letting me rant and be my bitchy self today.

So thank you. I bow to your acceptance!

 

 

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Self Censorship?


I am not new to blogging. Well, new-new. I have been at it for about 2 months.

I started a couple of blogs elsewhere that I will continue, but I found that I had to start completely fresh.

Why?

I was self-censoring myself way too much. I wasn’t being myself based on the fact that I had certain people following me. They might learn about the real me.

I couldn’t rant about the dumbass things that they did. I can’t rave about what an idiot my daughter is by dating the scumbag she calls her boyfriend. When my husband made me want to slap him for using the word ain’t too many damn times, I couldn’t bitch about that because he might see it. And it might hurt their feelings.

I can’t bitch about people I work with because they sometimes read my posts.

What is the real me?

I am a bitch. People piss me off and make me swear to myself, make me want to punch them and commit all sorts of torture on their poor souls.

I am sassy. I learned it from my mom. She always said not to be a sass box. Well, mom…guess what?!?! You taught me well. You were the original sass box.

I am the mom from hell. Don’t mess with my kids.

Even though I am all that. I am also a lot of good things.

I am a good friend. I am a steel trap that can keep secrets that even Gitmo imprisonment couldn’t get out of me.

I am a hell of a mom. My kids can talk to me about anything. If they want. Not that they always do.

I am a hell of a wife. After 24 years of marriage. I still love having sex with my husband. Sex is definitely better at 40+ than at 20.

I am loyal. I will do anything for my friends.

I am a good employee. I give it my all and want my company to succeed despite my addiction to Twitter and Facebook.

I am a good boss. I am fair to my employees and always do what’s best for them and the company.

But most of all, I am a good me.

So come along for the ride. You never know what you will encounter. Think of it as the Willy Wonka psychedelic boat trip.

There’s no earthly way of knowing
Which direction we are going
There’s no knowing where we’re rowing
Or which way the river’s flowing.