The Y Factor


They make us what we are. They determine what we look like, our future health, pretty much everything. This includes our ability to find things apparently.

MJ has his first behind the wheel driver’s ed session this morning. We are instructed to bring his permit – check, and his original application that posed as his permit until his official card came in the mail – unchecked.

In great mommy fashion, I like to make sure we are not running around like chickens without a head right before we leave so I tell him that he needs to find it…LAST NIGHT. And what do you think happened? Did he go look then? If he did then hell must have frozen over and I don’t see any demons coming up top to warm up in the cuddly new blanket of snow we got last night.

So…I ask him this morning.

“Did you find it?”


“Where did you look? Did you look in the cars?”

“Uh, I can’t find my wallet either.” His wallet is where his permit card is, btw.

Well, his wallet I can help with since Devil Dog gently brought it to me the other day. The yellow piece of folded up paper? Not so much.

“So, did you look in the cars?”

He goes and looks in both cars.

“Uh…I can’t find it.”

Shit, damn, shit!

We tear the recycling bin apart thinking we may have thrown it in there because we are green like that…

Still no sign of the elusive yellow paper.

So I do what any mom would do when her kid can’t find what they are looking for…I go out to the car and look myself.

Why? Because I have this compulsion habit to not believe that he really looked as well has he should have.

A) because he is notorious for not seeing things

B) because he has that Y chromosome

So I trudge through 5 inches of snow out to the garage because my dear, dear Rambo didn’t want to have an attached garage. Can we say dumbass together? DUMBASS!

Open the door, open the center console and move 1 crumpled up donut bag. And what do I see? A yellow slip of paper. Yeah. Underneath HIS crumpled donut bag. Seriously, it wasn’t mine. I hide the remnants of my secret donut runs so much better than that.

I walk back to the house to show him his missing paper permit.

“Did you move the bag?”

“Uh. Yeah, but I didn’t see it. It must have been hiding!”


I am just glad that it wasn’t me that lost it or threw it out. FYI…In Minnesota, even if you have gotten your official permit that looks like a license…do not throw away that little piece of yellow paper. You may need it to start your behind the wheel lessons. DUMB!

Now I am all paranoid about throwing away MY renewal piece of yellow paper…

Seriously though? What is it in that Y chromosome thread that just makes the male species so obliviously blind to things that are right in front of them. If there is one thing that is blocking 50% of the item they are looking for they can’t find it. Rambo is the same way. Is there just some part of their brain that doesn’t process something if it’s not in its whole form?

And they wonder when they ask the question of me…

“Have you seen XYZ?”

I just get up and find it for them…because I know in 5 minutes after being asked that question that I will be up looking for it anyway. I see it as a time saver.

How about at your house? Are you the finder in your house and is it worse with the XY species? I really want to know. Because if I am the only one, I need to kick some ass…they are playing me for a fool.

Let me know!



Minnesota Nice or Bitter Spice?

I live in a rural area outside a smallish city of about 85,000 people in Northern Minnesota. It’s usually a great place to live.


I am sure that many people have heard the term Minnesota Nice and thought, “Oh how cute! A state that is so nice, they actually have a term for it.”

Minnesota nice is overrated. And this comes from a native Minnesotan. It’s time has passed. Or was it never there to begin with? Or are we just nice to newcomers and visitors and to hell with the people who live here? I am finding it less and less around me.

I think Minnesota Nice is supposed to taste like cinnamon sugar. All warm and sweet. Not hot and burning like red pepper flakes.

It concerns me because I have lived in this area for 23 years and it has always been a nice, quiet area where people generally get along and have had no issues until the last 2 years. Recently there has been a rash of vandalism in certain areas of our community. Mailbox smashing and spray painting on township property.

One of my friends has had to replace her mailbox 4 times in the last year! This weekend, a whole neighborhood had their mailboxes taken out with a baseball bat. If we look at it with “kids will be kids” attitude, then it doesn’t seem so sinister. What if it really is something deeper?

The area (and people, because it affects them) that seems to be targeted most is on a dirt road…think of a cul-de-sac in the country, where the cul-de-sac is 6 miles around. These people have seen outright hostility during town meetings to the point that conversations get heated over dumb things like asking for minimally shorter road setbacks. All on a dirt road that only the residents have reason to drive on! Really? Who the fuck cares what they do back there?

It’s because some people deem the residents in this area as “special” people. In other words…RICH.

Well guess what? The majority of the people who live out there are not rich. They are normal people who happen to work for a living. Yes, some of them may be a bit more well off than others but that doesn’t mean they should be targeted. These people are teachers (gasp!), business men and families. Families just like YOU!

Yes, I get it. My son does things like ding-dong ditch and window knocking and kids will be kids. But Rambo and I have also taught our kids to respect other people’s property. It is one thing to do a prank but another to ruin property. If it is kids doing this shit, then the parents have failed. They have failed in the most rudimentary teaching of Minnesota Nice. You just don’t do shit like this to neighbors over dumb ass reasons.

It’s a classic example of class warfare. And it is pissing me off. I am seeing it in my neighborhood and across America as even our leaders are pitting people of different economic standing against each other based off of their incomes.

Just remember you will always get caught. It may not be today or even tomorrow. But you WILL be caught.

One step, two-step, three-step, four step, five step….

Stepping off of my soapbox. Whew, I am winded. That was a hell of tall soapbox!

Forever bitchy!

People (Freak) Watching at Mall of America

Don’t deny it, you were wondering where I went.

Two days and no post. WTF!

I was spending the weekend having fun with JC. It will be the last one before she moves out. It was a little bittersweet but so much fun!

The Mall of America people watching is usually pretty good. It was a bit disappointing this weekend. Everyone seemed kind of normal.

I guess “kind of normal” is a misnomer. If you count being normal as being part of the 64% of overweight group, all eating Coldstone Creamery, then yeah, normal.

Don’t be getting all “she’s got something against fatties” and all up in my face about it.

I don’t. I love all walks of life, in all sizes, all colors. That being said…

If your child is overweight at age 8, should you really be buying them the Love It size of ice cream loaded with gummy bears and Oreo cookies?  I mean really? You are seriously fucked up if you think that they are going to be more damaged by saying no to them than if you give into their every whiny ass request?. Can we say a lifetime of diabetes control and all the shit that goes along with that? Heart disease, kidney disease, bullying, lost opportunities? Sorry, I don’t get it.

On that note…this was our lunch. Frozen yogurt. Yum. Hey…we walked 3 floors all the way around. Each round trip is .57 miles. Not including all the stores we shopped in…that added up 1.64 miles.

Yes, I ate this for lunch. It was good. And I only ate one. The one with chocolate.

So, the real freaks…Remember, I said I was disappointed by the lack of freakiness? Well, I was disappointed until I saw this:

Skunk Girl...wonder if she smells like a skunk

Yes, that is a skunk tail and skunk ears! Oh yeah…and paws! I mean seriously, do you want to get beat up? Because, let me tell you…I want to do a skunk beat down right about now. But I am afraid. Her friend, the mouse? Might step in.

And skunks have rabies. She might bite me. I sure as hell do not want rabies shots.

Maybe she just likes things stuck in her ass. Or has a stinky ass. Not sure. Did you want to get that close? Didn’t think so.

Not sure if this beats the girl in the dog collar and leash from 2 years ago, but it’s close. If you want to know more, just leave me a comment! (Yes, I am pimping comments. Sue me!)

So there you have it. You can find animals at the mall…and you can find freaks at the zoo.

In case you were wondering…freaks at the zoo is on tap for tomorrow.