Road Rage and The Prius Troll


Are you a road rager?

I am. A dyed in the wool road rager. But only if you piss me off. So warning…DON’T PISS ME OFF. This is the only warning you get.

Prius drivers REALLY piss me off. They think they are holier than everything on this earth, Jesus included. All because they drive a “green” car. You know the ones. The wool-sock-sandal-wearing assholes who hug trees for fun. *shudder*

JC and I were on our way back from our girls weekend and had a nice two and a half hour drive ahead of us. Like clockwork, she falls asleep. WTF? I am tired too you know!!! But like a mom, I suck it up and start tapping my feet to stay awake. I looked like someone having seizures. 70 minutes into the drive,  the Prius Troll passed for the first time.

Now, I drive a Subaru Forester (a new one, not one of the bell-bottom early 2000 models) so it’s not like I have a complex of car envy because I have a shitty car. Nope. I just hate Prius drivers. Our neighbor drives a Prius. They are organic, they wear wool socks and sandals, and they are weird.

The Prius Troll was driving the Prius that screams “Look at me…I am saving the planet” (pale green). So she passed me. I was going about 73 mph. The way it flew (flying makes no noise…like the ninja cat hybrids do) she had to have been doing 80. I look over…she’s on her phone. Of course.

Fast forward (no pun intended) a few miles down the road…I see her. And I am catching up with her. No worries. Maybe she had to pee.

So I pass her, still going 73 mph since I have a modern car with CRUISE CONTROL! I blow her away I see her fading away in the mirror. Damn, she slowed waaaaayyyy down. No phone at her ear. Remember this.

Fast forward again…whoa…what is that coming up behind me so stealthily? Uh-huh…Prius Troll. She’s gaining on my ass. She passes me. AGAIN. I see that she is on her phone. Hmm. Is there a pattern here?

Again, I am going 73 mph. Cruise control is a good thing. Just saying.

So I am tip-tapping my way down the road a few more miles…what do I spy? Yup, that damn Prius. Gaining on her.

I pass her. As I do, I look over to give her the “look”. As in the “WTF are you doing” look. Yessiree Bobby…on the phone.

Doot-de-doot-de-doot….down the road I go. Look in my rearview mirror…This is really starting to piss me off. It’s the Troll again.

Me, pissed in a car? Not good. Not good at all.

I speed up and move over into her lane. No way in hell is she passing me AGAIN. I get along side a truck going about the same speed as me. She moves into the truck’s lane.

I speed up.

She moves into my lane. I slow down. She moves over. I speed up.

I am getting a sick thrill out of this. (Insert extremely evil laugh track) I continue this for 3 miles. Each time she thinks she is going to get out from under my spell. I whack her. She looked like a drunk. Weaving back and forth between lanes, never knowing which one to be in.

I would have loved to keep messing with her but I gotta pee.

Ah good times.

So all you Prius owners out there…word to your mutha…Don’t mess with the SassyBlondeBitch!

Forever Bitchy.

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