Don’t Make Me Cry


I don’t cry.

Okay, I lied.

What I mean is: I don’t cry at work. I just don’t. It shows weakness and I am tough. I will not show people my weakness.

Well, maybe on Twitter.  Twitter people accept you, don’t care if you rant and give you support when you need it or give a smack upside the head as appropriate. And they are willing to order you pitchers of margaritas…or raise a glass in support. God, I love my Tweeps!

Do you ever have those weeks when it just overwhelms you and you try to get work done but the sheer size of the mountain is so big that you just can’t do anything?

That was this week.

And Friday I nearly cried.

I was on the phone with someone discussing work shit and I was getting so frustrated that I choked up and couldn’t talk. Worst, he is one of my superiors. Not really my boss, but still in that upper echelon of bossdom.

“Sassy, are you there? Did I drop you? Are you reading emails again and not paying attention?”

“No. I’m here. Just sitting here.” Trying not to let the tears drop out of my eyes, my throat closing off  sobs; so glad that I am not in the office.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“Nothing. Go on. Finish what you need to say.” I know he can hear it in my voice. I just pray he doesn’t ask me again.

He continues. “Blah, blah, blah, blah…smile sometime today.”

Fuck you…Yeah okay.”

And even though the tears pooled and threaten, I did not let them fall. They slowly drained away only to leave me without the satisfaction only a good cry can give you. My eyes feel like they have cried and my body feels exhausted just from the effort to not LET THEM SEE ME CRY. Or in this case…hear me cry.

I am at a crossroads in my job.

I have two titles and two job descriptions that are at odds. It hasn’t been made official to the rest of the staff and I am encouraged to keep on foot steady on each end of the teeter-totter.

It’s getting harder to balance.

I am suffering from TMSOMFP syndrome (see tags)…and I just know that I am going to move my foot and go crashing down. Either I will fall hard on my ass to the point of breaking an ass bone or get flipped on the other end and go sailing through the air only to land on my face, breaking my expensive orthodontia perfected teeth in the process.

So I am going to smash that plate and scatter the shit until it gathers dust and doesn’t smell anymore.

I will delegate more.

I will go on radio silent and not feel the need to be there at all times, for everyone.

Because dammit! I need to!

~Sassy

Life Gets In My Way


Life.

Sometimes it just gets in the way and no matter how hard you try to you push it aside, it just gets in the way. That and someone from my real life finding me. THAT freaked the shit out of me and sent me into hiding.

Seriously. I did not know what to do when that happened.

I have missed blogging, I have missed Twitter. Especially all of my Tweeps who really, really got me.

I am back because I found that my head was ready to explode from filing everything and not being able to say it. That made me miserable. It took me this long to realize it.

Not that life was bad. It really wasn’t but as you know my real life has to have a filter where my real thoughts and words sometimes would get me in trouble if I let it spill out.

I can’t tell the people I work with that I think they are fucking stupid and they need to step up and stop being such lazy douchebags. Instead, I tell them that I think you can improve here, here and here. In a nice singsong voice to make them feel validated. Fuck validation…just do the damn job I pay you for.

I can’t tell Rambo that every time he opens his mouth (when I am in a mood) that I want to cut his nuts off and stuff them in his throat so he can’t talk anymore. Really, I do love the guy but after nearly 25 years, it gets hard some days! I can’t tell JC that DB, boyfriend, is still a dickhead, won’t amount to anything and should just die. Oh wait, I do tell her that. On a daily basis.  I can’t tell MJ that talking about “sweaty ball sacks” in front of me is inappropriate but that is only because I am laughing too hard. He has no filter.

One thing I have done is telling my boss that he had to grow a pair. The Sassy in me just couldn’t help it. But hey…I still have a job! And I got a promotion. Who knew that saying something like that would get me a promotion?

I have done many things since July:

1. Trained for and completed a half-marathon! 13.1 body pounding, feet tortured miles!

2. Took a few vacations.

3. Got a 12 point buck second week of deer hunting.

4. Had surgery.

5. Went to New York for work and had FUN too!

6. Helped build a sauna…OMG….best thing since the vibrator. Seriously.

7. Hiked over 100 miles. Whew.

I will expound more on that stuff later….but it already feels good to be back! And to my Twitter friends, thanks for opening your arms back up and making me feel missed!

Forever Sassy!

 

You Would Never Guess


I was in the car today and heard someone on the radio talking about random things that people would never guess about them and it got me thinking about random things that I have done or experienced. So today I will share with you 6 random facts about myself that a lot of people may not know…it’s 6 because once I wrote the first 5 I had one more that I just HAD to put in.

1. I used to sell night crawlers as a kid. Yes! Actual night crawlers. We would go out in our rain jackets or when we were too cool for that…just jeans and t-shirts that would soak us to the bone and pick night crawlers. WITH OUR BARE HANDS! We would pick dozens and dozens of them. Then we would keep them in a refrigerator and sell them all summer long. It was a bonus when we would find two having sex and we got a two-fer! Poor things. First we have coitus interruptis and then they get hooked and eaten by a fish…We would go all over town, looking for hot spots of worms. We were making bank in the summer! I paid for my first car with the money earned from those slimy things.

2. My front tooth is half fake. When I was 6, after my permanent teeth came in. (Of course!) My older brother, being the jerk that he was, chased my friend and I around the yard. It was a small yard with clothesline poles. Steel clothesline poles. I look back to stick my tongue out at him because that’s what little sisters do. Turn back around, laughing…

BAM!!!!!

CRACK!!!!

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-WAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Half of my tooth is in my hand. Nothing they could except polish the edge. It wasn’t broken enough to hurt the root. Lived with that hillbilly smile for 14 years until a dentist said “I can fix that for $50”. So it got fixed. No more hillbilly smiles 🙂

3. I hate the cold. And I live in Minnesota…Yah, shore you betcha. WTF? I don’t like to ski, love the beach and sun and I live in Minnesota. What an oxymoron. Or am I just a moron? I had to marry Rambo who doesn’t like change and would only move further North if I let him. Last weeks foray to his hometown helped my cause for at least staying where I am. Whew! The only problem is that he will say “Gosh, it’s hot” when the temps hit 70 degrees. He sounds like an old man. I keep telling him the only thing different between him and an old man is that he still has his teeth.

4. I have no tattoos. It’s not that I don’t want them. I am too chicken because I don’t like pain and think of the “what ifs”. My luck, I would get stretch marks and what was a cute butterfly would morph back into some unrecognizable caterpillar that undulates as I laugh. Not a pretty thought.

5. The summertime sun makes me horny. So then tell me why the hell Rambo won’t move to a SUNNIER place? Seriously. I don’t know what it is but a day on the beach is like the greatest aphrodisiac for me. Then again, I am not sure if I have ever told him this tidbit until this week. But we have been married 24 years (I know, right!) and he should just KNOW this shit about me, right? Really. I shouldn’t have to tell him EVERYTHING. He should just add 2 and 2 together and figure it out.

6. I am extremely shy. Yes. Ms. Sassy herself is shy. Yet, I work in a field where I talk to strangers everyday, can get up and talk in front of a conference room of people (I do sweat profusely…dripping down my sides and all). Go figure. Get me in a party type situation and I become a wallflower. A cute little Forget-Me-Not because that is the smallest flower I can think of. It’s worse when Rambo is around too….there is a whole session with a therapist on THAT!

Who would have guessed?

If you have any questions for me…let me know what they are and I will answer them in a blog next week. Nothing is off limits!

Have a sassy weekend!