Yoga pants. They ARE the new pajama bottoms. Pajama bottoms that women believe they can wear out in public with no shame.
They hug the curves, lumps, bumps, mounds, flaps, flab, rolls, bags, sags and parts that make people gag.
The women are every where, they think they can rock the yoga pant when in reality, its more like a ripply large rock in the yoga pants. And I sure as hell am not talking about rock solid abtasticalness.
I own yoga pants.I get it…the comfort and ease of wearing them. They were great on our 18 hour journey to Maui last year. (That wetness you see? Yeah, tears running down my cheeks. Maui was last year.)
Now, before you get in an uproar over what you may perceive as skinny bias…let me clarify something. I am lucky that I have been able to keep up a healthy weight through diet and exercise, but even I know what I look like in yoga pants and if I don’t like what I am seeing, neither would you. I certainly don’t want to flaunt all my flaws and glorify my lady bits. I really don’t like to make everyone behind me snicker “omg, what the fuck was she thinking?”.
Yoga pants are good for 19-year-old string beans, toddlers (really, is there anything cuter?) and…I know…novel idea here but go with it…YOGA CLASS!
I do, however know cucumber gals who can pull it off and still look good…so it is possible.My point? Even skinny people can look ridiculous if the yoga pant is too small. Can we say camel toe? Even skinny girl camel toes are nasty.
Can we be honest for a minute? We all obsess over the size printed on the tag and the psychological bullshit games the manufacturers like to play with us. We need to forget about the size and focus on the way they LOOK! I mean really…I was a size 5 in high school and weighed 105 pounds. My daughter is now 102 pounds and wears a size zero. Sizes have changed in 25 years!
News flash!!! It no longer means anything! I have jeans in 4 sizes in my closet, get what fits!
Okay…stepping off my soapbox. Stepping, stepping…
Helllllloooooo!!!! Has everyone broken their mirrors? I mean, really….you can get full length mirrors at Wal-Mart for less than $10. Take my advice, get one, use it and the eyes of the world will be happy.
And don’t count on all of your friends. Most of the time they will tell you that you look good. But that is only because women can be bitches (really? Yeah, really!) and if you question if you look good and they say “oh honey, (insert pregnant pause) you look, um, great!” Don’t listen. Change.
Face it, we want to look good and can sometimes say things that will ensure that. Not that I would ever do that! I used to, when I was a bitch. Wait…what? Never mind.
My lesson for this Friday is: