There was a time, back in the golden days of my youth, oh so long ago…the only thing scary I would see at the zoo was the snakes, lions and tigers. And bears, oh my!
Well, that and the animals mating. Why is it that my parents had to choose spring to bring me? Seriously, scarred for life to see animalistic sex at such a young age.
“Daddy, why is that daddy duck beating up that momma duck?” Let me see if I remember what he said….
“They aren’t fighting…he’s screwing her.” Yeah, my dad. He really knew how to relate to a 5-year-old. Anyway, I digress.
I keep hearing “times are they are a changin’ and boy are they right. Not only is the mall a place for freak watching. Apparently so is the zoo. I thought I was at carnival side-show.
No, seriously. Or maybe they forgot to tell everyone they were holding a freak convention and got lost.
So, using JC as a model…I was able to surreptitiously gain proof that the world is changing and not for the best. It helps to have a zoom lens too.
So first up is a piece of work (!) I like to call “Two Dudes and a Fat Chick”
Yes, her ass cheek is hanging out and either she is going commando (insert puking sounds here) or her thong is riding so far up her ass that it is crying for help like a lost child in a well.
“Help me…hellllllp! I am going to suffocate!”
Furthermore, no grown man should ever go out in public wearing a fucking geisha suit. Okay, MAYBE Halloween is ok. But even then, I would question it… Don’t even get me started on the dude in the cat mask. What you don’t see, is the woman I cut out of the picture with a horrified look on her face. She was just an innocent bystander caught in the freak parade.
Geisha dude….oh and let’s not forget about fat chick with no underwear.
This one is tame…the only thing nastier is the way they talked…For fuck’s sake, there are kids around!
Now this one just plain old scares me….
And here are some other freaks gathered for lunch. The hair, I can handle. It’s the outfits. Wish you could see them. Take my word…freakish.
So I really think that the zoo should have an app like Disney does to track the characters.
Call it “Freak Tracks”.
You could use it to check in sightings of the freaks so other people will know where they are. Then they can either find them and get pictures or run the other way. Kind of like a Foursquare for Freaks…
Just saying. I would use it.