Parenting Craps

We all know THOSE moms.

You know the ones. The ones who have masters degrees in child psychology and seem to always know what is best for your kid and look down their noses at you when you have some minor issues with your own kids. And you just know they are thinking “you poor, poor stupid mom” as they look like they have just sucked on a case of lemons.

I know one of them.

JC has been friends with this mom’s daughter since kindergarten. JC and Haley have done Girl Scouts and soccer together, had sleepovers and birthday parties. Since graduation they have drifted apart but they still run into each other occasionally.  So when JC came home this weekend and told me what was happening with Haley I was really surprised.

Haley had some problems in school and needed to have tutoring to get her to read at grade level and always had to push herself to get good grades. And her mom pushed her. Pushed her in school and in sports to excel. So off she went to college. Moved into the dorms, played soccer and seemed to have adjusted fairly well. She moved home when the school year was done. But that didn’t last.

Haley is now living with friends, working two jobs and has no plans to go back to school. She apparently was not doing well and gave up. She moved out because her parents put too many rules in place. The girl is 19. Yes, she is living under your roof and there needs to be respectful, reasonable rules. But not rules that treat them like they are 16 again.

We were talking about it at dinner and MJ then tells me that Haley’s brother has run away and has been a handful of trouble. So what happened to this family that both kids are rebelling?

She always told me that she thought that we were too free with JC and didn’t have enough rules and that was why she was boy crazy. Blah-blah-blah blah-blah. Like all parents, you do what you think is right for your kids. We had rules. Lots of rules. Maybe different rules that she had for her kids but they were still rules.

We had curfews, who she could hang out with, what dances she could go to, when she could date, who she could date. But we also trusted her. And I think that is the one thing that made a difference.


It’s hard to trust sometimes but if your children don’t do anything to lose trust, why do you still distrust them? We always tell our kids that we trust them until they do something to lose it. Don’t get me wrong, we have had our circle of trust violated by both kids but then they have more limits until they regain the trust. And it takes A LONG TIME for that to happen.

This family didn’t trust their kids.  They installed that driving camera for the car to monitor their driving habits. Once, Haley turned on the radio which broke the rules and she got her driving privileges taken away. For turning on the radio! The only reason they knew this was because they downloaded the video and watched it. I understand instilling safe driving habits, but really?

Is she a bad mom for being so strict? No, she was doing what she thought was best for her kids and the kids are pushing back finally. Then who is the bad mom here?

It’s me.

My heart goes out to Haley and I hope and pray she finds her way. I hope she goes back to school so she doesn’t have to have 3 jobs to make ends meet.

I am a bad mom because in my heart, I am gloating. Yes, I am gloating because this lemon-faced mom thought that my daughter would end up pregnant at 17. Instead she is graduating with her first degree in December, less than 2 year after graduating from high school. While she doesn’t know what she wants to do, she is enrolling in an undergraduate science program at the local university. And my daughter has done it debt free, paying her way through school.

I am gloating and I feel bad and bitchy for it. I just want to go up to her and tell her neither one of us had the right answers. We did what we thought was best. Parenting is a crap shoot and you hope for the best.

And yes, I will be saying nah-nah-na-boo-boo under my breath. It’s what sassy bitches do.


Yeast Anyone?

Random conversations with my kids.

JC came home today to visit me do some lab experiments for her summer class. Why did she drive all the way out here for that? Because she just knew that I would have the ingredients she needed.

So she is in the kitchen getting stuff out. Bottles, water, yeast and balloons. Sounds like the start of  bad sex joke…

She says “Do you have any more yeast, because I need 2 more tablespoons.”

“Negative, they have medications for that problem now.” I tell her.

“Mom, if you put baking yeast in your vaj, will you get a yeast infection?”

Huh…what? Um, no comment.

A few years back, we were in Walgreens to get JC female hygiene products. MJ was with us and he always thought we were telling secrets if I told him to go look at the toy aisle. So he was in the tampon aisle with us.

JC grabs a box of tampons.

MJ pipes up, “What are those?”

“They are for bloody noses.” JC tells him. I silently applaud her for her quick thinking. She has used these for that purpose during soccer games. Gross huh?

Then I think a little. Do I want my son thinking those are really for bloody noses? Yes,  10 year-old son would be the one walking around with junior regular tampons shoved in his nostrils. The 13 year old in me is saying “go with it..just think of the video it would make, it would be funny maybe $10,000 funny!!!”

I look at JC and she looks at me. She knows we are going to have the discussion in the car. Her eyes start rolling. We check out and go to the car.

“Just don’t mom. Just don’t say it.”

“MJ, those aren’t for bloody noses. Those are for bloody vaginas. You know about, or at least heard  of periods, right?”

“Um, yeah mom. Sheesh. I live with you two. That’s when we can’t even breathe around you, right? And you get cranky?”

“Uh, yeah. Well, when that happens girls bleed from their vaginas and they use those so they don’t make a mess.”

Silence and then….”OHHHHHH GROOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSS! Did you have to tell me that?”

“No, but I didn’t want you to think you could use them for bloody noses.”

“Ok. But question. Where do they go? And how do they get there?”

JC is tired of this conversation. She grabs the insert and says, “Read this.”

Conversation over.

Yeah, I know, there can be TMI but I want him to be informed.

So, a week ago, I took MJ and his two best friends, that are girls, (what a stud) for a walk and Dairy Queen. Along the way Anna uses Hope’s phone to let her mom know that I am the reason she is going to be late. Sure, blame it on me. I asked her what happened to her phone.

MJ, bless his honest, unfiltered mouth tells me.

“She dropped it into the toilet. She had just peed and it had period in it.”

Does this kid have no shame???? I thought Anna was going to be mortified and beat the living shit out of him. Because she can. And I would have let her.


‘Yeah, that’s what happened. My mom was pissed and I don’t get a new phone.”

Since when did boys and girls talk about things like peeing and periods? Either I did something way right with him or I have to worry about having grandchildren from him.

Forever sassy!

P.S. It’s Thursday…it’s almost Friday!!! Woot… You know what I would like for a Friday surprise? A facebook like or two…or 10. Can you click here or here or here? And like my page? You are awesome!

Drama King

Parenting teens.


In order to be a parent to a teenager, you have to have mettle, patience and a whole boat load of humor. And a sense of good drama.

There was the dawning of the age of the drama queen with JC. I am married to a drama llama. And my son, love him to death…has turned into the drama KING!

It’s the hormones. It HAS to be the hormones. Right?

It had better be the hormones or I am leaving until he turns 18. Just saying.

Believe it or not, I could handle JC’s estrogen laced rages and tears. I was a girl once. I understand it. I GOT IT!

This? This boy hormone stuff?!?! I don’t get it.

MJ comes in the house the other night and says, “Mom, I think I got a concussion.”


“Okay. And what do you want me to do about it? Kiss it and make it all better?” I ask him. He has his “bros” over so I really should have not said that.

In his best teenaged cracking high-low-high voice, “You don’t care about me!”

Um yes I do, but what am I supposed to do about it? So i try to be all mommy-like. “Well, what do you want me to do? Do you need ice? Ibuprofen?”

“I just wanted you to know in case I didn’t wake up tomorrow and I was DEAD! You would know why! And you wouldn’t care, not one bit!!!” As he runs to the porch and out the door.

Stunned silence.

JC is sitting on the couch next to me witnessing all of this hormonal rage. I look over at her with a look of disbelief on my face.

I hear the sentence that I never thought I would hear…EVER.

“Sorry for all the drama that I put you through. Was I THAT bad?”

More stunned silence.

“Yes dear, you WERE that bad. Almost didn’t survive those years. You, not me.” I tell her.

“Wow, he is just a ball of raging teenage boy hormones. Glad I get to leave.” Gee. Thanks.

For the record, he got bonked on the head while making a “bro fort” in the woods. No lumps, bumps or broken skin. He woke up fine this morning and had no headache.

His head is hard. He’s fallen on it before. He’s fine….Except for those damn hormones raging through his body that is making our lives a living hell on a daily basis.

I know it will get better. It HAS to get better. But it better hurry up, my tongue is only so long. And my patience is only so thick.

Now where did my wine go? I think I am going to need it to get through this next year.

Forever sassy!