Virgins and Vaginas-8th Grade


It’s a good thing we have THE rule. The rule states:

What happens in the car stays in the car. 

Which of course is why I am posting about it here. Some things just can’t be held back.

The most funny, interesting, wacky things happen in my car. Whether it is on a long road trip or a short trip to the store, my kids and their friends can make it so much more interesting. (See Conversations with my Son)

Last night JC had to get her hair cut…NOW! Not this weekend, it had to be done NOW. But MJ had to be picked up at the school at some point. With the price of gas at rape me now prices, I try to combine trips so it feels like they are using lube when pumping.

Of course I told MJ to call me when he left the track meet so I could time everything. What does he do? He, of course, waits. Calls me when he’s pulling in to the school parking lot. Seriously? So starts the ensuing rant about how he has to be more responsible and call me when he is supposed to. I think he just hears me say “blah, blah, blah”.

Pick MJ and his friend Anna up. Run to McD’s for shakes.We get to the salon and have some time to kill (thanks MJ! rolling eyes) and the kids start talking.

Somehow  they start talking about all the kids in 8th grade that are having sex, naming names and all. Now this is all kinds of wrong, but I won’t lecture. I just keep listening.

MJ says something about virginity. Anna states “I am a virgin”.

JC turns to her and says “Keep it that way!”

High five to her (who btw…I KNOW is not a virgin. Ugh.) and high-five to Anna in the backseat. Go to high-five my son…

Reminder…he is 14.

His hand stays down. WTF!

He must see the look of horror on my face. He smiles his smartass grin of his….JUST KIDDING MOM! and high fives me back. This kid truly scares the shit out of me.

The conversation continues on to “the talk”. We did this when they were about 11. It was better than the “Don’t fucking get pregnant” talk I had with my mom. Really, that was all that was said.  So my kids have sex talk overload syndrome. I would rather they come to me than learn it from uninformed 8th grade dipshits who think they know it all.

MJ says to Anna “I know more about vaginas than most girls do.”  And he probably does. Note to his future wife: he will not have any issues buying tampons for you. Whoever you are, you can thank me later. Although, his favorite line when the women get cranky…

“You got your period or something?”

Smack!

Oh dear, did I hurt you son?

Must be my period.

Forever Sassy.

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